I am not a gourmand, I even had to look up my Collins English dictionary to spell it. My considerations around food revolve mostly around the questions “Is it werid? Is it Boring? Will it make me full?” and if I can answer no, yes, yes respectively then I will eat it. I am as developed gastronomically like a four year old might be whos just figured out how to use a fork (ps I hold my fork wrong, and my pen but that’s another story). When I see cooking shows I imagine people tuning in through some jerry-rigged satellite tv in a corrugated iron shed somewhere and being confused at watching someone in a cravat ‘judge’ food and I imagine those people I imagined being confused eventually turning to anger and coming with the Ak-47s and making said cravat wearer pee his pants and promise not to do it again. 

I don’t understand/enjoy/drink wine either, I mean I’ve drunk it, a lot when I was 17 and it was cheap and some of it I may have even liked but its really above my pay grade. I have played at toast martinborough and driven through the zombified stumbling hordes of big hatted no sock chino wearing folks and figured out that this may not be my um buzz. But even me saying that proves I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. 

Which is standard. 

Because the problem is with me. 

Which is generally true of most of the problems one might have with things. 

Which is obviously true of me with all things. 

I figured out the problem was with me in relation to wine a long time ago. We had been playing at Le Café in picton and after the gig, long tall deep eyed owner and hospitality keeper of the flame Peter sent us back to where we were staying. He said he left us some wine on the table and we should drink it. At those times I was inclined to drink anything free so when I got there I took the bottle and poured it and filled a big coffee cup full and drunk it in big cocal cola sized gulps. About half way through the bottle Peter arrives and he sees what I doing and he gets real mad at me in that dark rattle your soul way that Europeans can make you feel. 

Basically the situation is thus, the wine was good, not just good like yeah that’ll do good, like it was special, a holy bottle squished into being by the feet of angels or something, and Peter had left it as a gift and a tribute to us and I was meant to know this and cherish it. Instead I was skulling it like soda from a coffee cup. 

Peter says this will not do and asks me if I know anything about how fucking wine works, and I say I don’t cause I don’t so, he pulls out these glasses and these bottles and we get to it and he teaches me about sniffing it and tasting it and why the glass is shaped like it is and I get the whole run down and I don’t understand it really but I understand his passion and his power and what and why he’s trying to tell me what he’s trying to tell me and that how musicians can be just as pretentious as wine snobs but even with that in mind there is wonder and heart and spirit involved in these reaaaaaallll fucking ancient art forms. I get it and I understand that at least! And it was such a great time and we listened to serious jams and had serious talks and eventually the wine gave over to schnapps and we got all fucked up and went to bed. In the middle of the night, Peter wakes me up and says, 

“That last song you played tonight??? That’s the one…that will be a hit, that will change your life, don’t fuck it up…honor that song” 

I say groggily, drunkly “Ok Boss” and go back to sleep, 

He wakes me up again and says the same but with this great urgency 

“FUCKING LISTEN TO ME!!!! THAT SONG!!!! THAT’S THE ONE!!!!!” 

I go back to sleep. 

That was like 13 years ago, 

I’m still yet to record the song properly, maybe next round. 

Like I said, the problem always begins and ends with me dammit. 

But the good news is on Friday night we’re playing in Picton at Le Café with Peter serving the drinks and Brother Lindon Puffin in support. Hopefully some people will come, we might even play that song. VIVA PETER! And all the wonder he cares about! Maybe we’ll see you! We hope so! 

Tickets at www.forteastern.net 

PS 

My first solo record will be coming out in the next few days, probably should say that eh? 

stay posted, stay frosty